Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Lessons from Him

I'm doing the Heart Like His study by Beth Moore with a few women from my Connect Group class on Monday nights. We haven't been able to meet in a few weeks due to life (sickness, schedules, etc.). I was anxious to get together last night and see what God had in store for me. Well, He spoke volumes!

I'm not always as transparent in my life as I should be and tend to put on a happy face for most people but things just aren't always that hunky-dory. Last nights study touched on our relationship circles and the different levels of transparency we have within those circles and how our inner most circle should have one person in it, God. Well I've been stuck at the level just above that one. I've been looking to my closest friends for advice, talks, and getting me through my day to day stuff and that's just not working. At times I feel like a lunatic the way I fly off the handle. Petty things get me all worked up and out of sorts.   Beth did a wonderful job explaining that if I were only taking things to the next circle that God would take care of my woes. And it's so true. How can I expect someone else, another human, to "fix" my issues. So here I say, I will make time to meet God daily in His word. Where I can speak to Him and more importantly, listen to Him.  He is my resolve, my comforter, and my healer.

The lesson also let us take a look at the way David felt at the loss of Jonathon and Saul and how he grieved that loss. I'm telling you, we ladies shed some tears last night. I love the women in this group and loved being able to share and hear their struggles. While I have not been dealing with grief in the death of a loved one, I have been grieving for a loss.

I have not had a relationship with my father in over a year. It has been hard for me because I wonder what Jesus would do? How would he handle things? I know I'm supposed to forgive but that's hard when my kids are involved. The gloves come off at that point. In this past year I've built up a wall around my emotions when it comes to my dad. I don't want to confront the situation because it makes me angry. It's easier to just be mad than to deal. I know it's wrong, but I am human. I haven't been home to Florida for way too long because of my unwillingness to confront the situation. He's been trying to reach out to me some, to make things right, but I'm afraid to let my guard down. He tries to talk to me a bit when I call for my mom but I keep it short and hurry to get her on the phone. Well last night's lesson made me realize that I do have grief over this. I'm really going to try hard to break down my wall and rebuild this relationship. It will be very difficult and painful for me but it's what Jesus would do right? Jesus ate with the sinners. I need to shine in His grace. I'm thinking of the song "He Took The Scars" by Brothers Keeper. So please pray for me that I will find the strength to swallow my anger and reach out to my dad and pray for me be the person that Jesus died for me to be.

Thanks for reading my blog. Your comments and prayers are always welcome.


  1. A very honest and sweet post.
    His grace is sufficient! He will bless your obedience!

  2. That is diffiuclt. I will be praying for God to give you strength as you move toward reconciling with your dad.

  3. Amen! and thanks for sharing